No one is Youer than You

It's a surprise to few that who we were as children is often so clearly reflected in who we become as adults. Often we'll have a lapse in judgement, a detour here and there, doubt who we are, what we're capable of and what will really make us happy. Despite these inevitable detours, it's often hard to mask what we were born to do. The study freak in school will go on to become a wealthy workaholic who regrets missing out on their youth but is basking in the rewards of their efforts none the less. The "slacker" will constantly seek an easy route in life or avoid committed responsibility. Though who you were does not determine you will be, it sure can assist in predicting the direction you're prone to.

I for one have always channelled my energy through writing and "acting out" in class. Not being a complete ass and spending my days outside the principals office, but instead using humour as a coping mechanism and tactic for socializing and "lightening the mood." Though my efforts were not always successful, it was just who I was. I couldn't pretend to be ditzy and shy or "too cool" for everything with my headphones in. To this day I still feel writing is my outlet, and humour is my medicine. The two together keep me sane through the worst of times. I depend of friends and family, but in times of solidarity its nice to have your own method of coping.

Now we've established we all have traits in our nature that we cannot deny. What is sad to me however, is that many are lead astray. We become tainted and discouraged or on the contrary- egotistical. We either think we're incapable or want too much. So how do we get back the root of who we are? That inevitable vein of truth within us that is bound to explode. My wish for todays youth is to find that kid in class who was drawing in their notebook. That kid who ran the fastest in the school yard. . They're who you were before the chaos of the world made you callused. They're who you were meant to me. Have the courage to find them again, and when you do, don't let them go.

Song Idea for Guitar

Lines on the table

Match the lines on your face

A line dividing want you want and what you can’t replace

In the battle that you’re fighting, the rabbit wins the race

So follow sinners, to the golden stream,

look, but do not taste.

You love it, you hate it

It fuels you to go on

You love him, you hate him

But he’ll always be the one

You fight it, deny it

But it’s who you have become

You’d pack a bag and hop the train

But you’re already gone.

Old Comedic Rap - Furansker in London

The following was written as a joke before visiting my best friend at Western in London.

Furansker In London

This is furansker in London , like jlo keepin it real

Your chick is sweet on her feet, for the eyes she’s a treat

But furansker here in London is a SEVEN COURSE MEAL

Now cut the bull, preferably in half, so we can each have a serving then move onto the calf

Pure bread north Ontarians, we fresh out the oven. Now slice up this loaf so we can spread out the lovin.

We’re like a family sitcom, all ages can enjoy. The kind of sauve mother fuckers even trump would employ.

Now we’re rockin the residence in London Ontario, we a two man show so shut off the tv and the stereo.

Unless its bumpin and raven, and we mean literally. Tune into that’s so raven the repeats play religiously.

That girl is fly, as her name does imply, she can soar into the future man her visions don’t lie

Now we’ve rambled on, like zeppelin far from gone. But since we’re on the subject what 80s show was she on?

I believe it was Cosby but I preferred fresh prince, will smiths style was fresh like a pack of junior mints

The chocolate humour was smooth, when Jefferson guess starred it got fruity, the youngest daughter pissed me off, wait nevermind that was rudy

So now we’ve established, we bring the flavour like the classics, but we gotta hit the books, order that shit from scholastic.

Those bastards better include a toy like they do in schoolbook orders, though they tend to collect dust, and are why hillary’s a horder.

So take it from us, I took the greyhound bus, just visit U of western and wipe off the dust.

We gonna swiffer up this city , gonna wipe it clean. The two biggest deals in London since mccadams and gosling.

Now its time for us to peace out, though we prefer that is was in, so this world could get along for once and there would be no sin.

Handing out love like it’s the watch tower, Jehovah taught us well, go ahead and throw it out lets see who laughs when you’re in

*Somewhere other than heaven* ( ouuu somewhere other than heaven)

Until Furankser takes over and Obama loses novelty, get out and do something crazy take the pludge like Nestea.

The time has come, Auf wiedersehen goodbye, is it just me or do all German women look like guys?

(Somewhere other than heaven ouuuuu)

Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own

In this song, Bono refers to his late Father. Lyrics we all in one way or another can apply to our own lives. Lyrics that capture that point when we really do need a helping hand to get us by, despite our stubborn resistance to say so.

There is an evident common tie that binds the posts I've written. I'm a dreamer with thoughts clouding my head. A trait I'm sure most my age can identify with. Newly independent, I have new found struggles...constantly fighting a battle, with words as my weapon.

It's become apparent that I can be quite stubborn to back down and often find myself in an anxious whirlwind forgetting how I got there to begin with. So busy proving I'm capable that I forget what the purpose of the fight was from the start.

Rather than seeking control and writing of my desire to prove myself. I want to write about not always being right. About being weak even. Needing others. Taking the help thats offered and once I've gained the strength, getting back on my own two feet and with stability.

I have so many amazing people in my life. Living life on my own however, I find myself steering away from a dependence on others. As mentioned in my previous post, "You're with yourself from start to end, no two ways about it." As for those whose presence is not guaranteed, perhaps we should value their guidance and assistance while we are fortunate enough to have it.

An amazing person in my life said that I shouldn't be afraid to need someone. That everyone needs something at some point. I was initially hesitant of this, believing that no one should ever have to need anyone or anything. I didn't realize that needing someone doesn't mean your survival depends solely on them. It is allowing yourself a shoulder to lean on, and opening yourself to the possibility of sharing a link or connection in which both sides can grow and benefit from one another. Rather than holding onto a "crutch" as I viewed it, it's letting go.

I'm so thankful for the loved ones in my life. They teach me that it's okay to not always be strong, and sometimes you can't always make it on your own.

If You Love Something...Set It Free

No song reference this time folks. I know, I too am let down.

"If you love something, set it free." This quote is often used in reference to a loved one. I for one am guilty of relating this to my life many times. Today however, is a new day.

So I started thinking. What if on this new day we could learn to love ourselves? Set ourselves "free"? What if we reconsidered this advice and realized if we don't love ourselves, who will? We're with ourselves from start to finish. Birth to death. No two ways about it. It's a pretty long-term relationship, don't you think?

The second part of this quote says to set it free. Open "it" (we'll use ourselves in this case) to a whole new world. An idea Aladdin always made seem so appealing.

My words may be few in this entry, but they are those of truth i assure.

So here's to self love and freedom. And who knows, maybe after loving ourselves we could find someone finally worth sharing that love. Anything's possible on a new day...

Verne's Hardware 1961-2010

The following is a note about my Grandfather's Hardware store that I've posted on facebook. It was later published in my hometown's newspaper.

I can remember visiting my Grampa Verne's store as a child. The smell of the pipes in the hardware and grease in the old bike shop. My Grandpa would let me play with his elastics and paper clips in the office while he did paper work....and would always buy me our family's favourite..."The Bounty Bar" as a snack before heading home.

My first job was at Verne's...answering phones, working cash, sweeping, stocking shelves, key cutting (once I gained the nerve). I learned a lot through the store and regret not working there longer...or at least visiting more for reasons other than asking for the vehicle. It's wholesome local businesses like Verne's that remind us what matters. Quality. Not just that their items were literally top quality but everything about that store was rich with sincerity. The moment you walked out the door you knew each employee had done their best to help you. When my Grandfather asked how things were or helped you out with the pricing if needed, it was because he genuinely cared for his costumers...and for the Soo community in general. His main goal from day one (as many would know if you've met my Grandfather) was customer service. If the customer leaves happy...you know you did your job, and you did it right.

My Grampa Verne passed away when I was only 8 years old yet I've learned so much from him. I thank him and my Mother for teaching me that a smile and laugh can go a long way. He once said, "People are attracted to winners, you don't have to win just have to have a winning personality" my Mom always quotes my Grampa saying this because he was referring to attitude. Go in to everything with a positive winning attitude and even if you don't succeed as planned, people will appreciate you regardless. A lesson my Mother who has taken on the family business has now learned for herself. She has made the entire Merrifield family so proud with her personal investment, over time hours, and full dedication to preserving the respected local reputation my Grandfather worked so hard to attain. The store closing may be a loss for the Sault, but my Mother remains a winner in my books.

Verne's Hardware will close it's doors this year after 49 years of serving Sault Ste. Marie.

When my Mother recently asked what I would like from the old store, I mentioned a little wooden musical hardware shop that plays the song "I Did It My Way" by Frank Sinatra. It was given to my Grampa years ago...and had always been a favourite song of his with personal significance.

My Mom said she had already placed it aside for me...knowing he would have wanted me to have it.

I hope to be half the person my Grampa and Mother are someday... and I will always cherish the little hardware store that made a big difference.

And now, the end is near,

And so I face the final curtain.

My friends, I'll say it clear

I'll state my case of which I'm certain.

I've lived a life that's full

I've travelled each and every highway.

And more, much more than this,

I did it my way.

- Frank Sinatra

All We Ever Do Is Say Goodbye

John Mayer, you know me too well.

It's true. It seems in this year of change all I've been doing is saying my goodbyes. Goodbye to my hometown, to my old friends, to my family's long running business and the most difficult so far, the one I love. Why is it that good things never seem to last? Is it because they aren't really as good as they seem or because something better is waiting for us in our future of unknown possibilities? After awhile you begin to fear when things are going to well because it seems there's bound to be a let down just around the corner. A horrible attitude perhaps but, in this day and age I think we'd prefer to be realistic then to be let down.

We're taught that change is good. Without change we would never learn, never grow, never discover new opportunities. How do we know when change is good? When to say goodbye, move on, start over, explore, or let go? What if the change we've made turns for the worst? I guess that's the funny thing about change. It's unpredictable, a gamble even. With each new step you have the potential to win or lose. Or so we think.

I'm beginning to question if it really is this black or white. Perhaps there is no such thing as good or bad change because each new situation inevitably carries aspects of each? Moving to a new city may bring negative feelings of loss or loneliness that will later lead to feelings of self discovery and accomplishment. Without one, it would be almost impossible to have the other. As if one has to earn the right to the good after enduring periods of bad.

Think of something in your life that makes you happy. Something that when you have it you feel as if nothing else in the world matters. Then imagine having to let it go. The thought alone can create an uneasy sense of anxiousness. What if saying goodbye meant a whole new world of opportunities? Your feelings may change. The tough part now is distinguishing between the two. How do I know if I'm losing something or if I'm really gaining in the end? If my goodbye is really worth all the grief. Reality is, there is no way of knowing.

So I say my goodbyes with blind faith and let go of all uncertainties. Goodbye familiar faces, goodbye security blanket, goodbye to the one I care for most. To everything comes an end, and to every goodbye there is a reason....even if we haven't figured it out yet.

Que Sera, Sera....